The Truthful Liars
by Forget-Your-Heart
Summary: Kenny discovers a new section on the school website titled facts, however, when he reads them, he realises that most of these facts are far fetched lies. Soon, he realises that all the facts are beginning to come true, are the editors behind this section witches or were the facts true all along and he just didn't notice it?
1. Facts

**Kenny's POV:**

Today had to be one of the most boring days of my life, Stan and Kyle weren't around, they were probably off doing super best friend stuff again, and Cartman was at the twenty-four hour buffet and I knew that he would be there _all night. _

To make matters worse, I had let Clyde borrow my Play Boy collection two weeks ago and he still hasn't brought them back. I sighed and opened the laptop that I had gotten for my birthday and typed in the school website, I would have watched porn but for some reason it's blocked on here.

Something in the right hand corner, titled facts caught my interest when I made it to the home page. I clicked on it and my eyes widened when I saw that it had a folder of facts for just about every kid in the school. I clicked on the one that said:

_Facts about Kenny McCormick. _

**Kenny has slept with every girl in this school.**

**Kenny has every STD known to man**

**Kenny has fathered at least twenty children**

I stopped reading; most of these weren't even true! I decided to see what my friends' folders said. I clicked on Stan's next.

**Stan is gay**

**Stan is gay with Cartman**

I had to stop reading after that because I started laughing so hard, Stan and Cartman together? What kind of crack were these people smoking? After a few minutes of laughing, I wiped the tears out of my eyes and clicked on Kyle's folder.

**Kyle is gay**

**Kyle does drugs**

**Kyle is gay for Butters**

I stopped reading and rolled my eyes, were these people even trying? I mean if they were going to make up facts they should at least make up some believable ones. Sure Butters has been pining for Kyle for years, but their relationship is completely one sided. Besides, Kyle is with Jimmy.

I decide to skip Cartman's and click on Craig's; I want to save the best for last.

**Craig has a sexual relationship with his Guinea pig**

**Craig is secretly a girl**

"For the love of Pete!" I exclaim slapping my hand against my forehead. No way no how Craig is a girl, he is six foot freakin seven for crying out loud! The only person who could even pass off being a girl at this age is Kyle and I know he's not a girl because I have seen him naked before. I don't know why, but I begin to read more "facts" about the students.

**Clyde is gay**

**Clyde is in love with Kyle**

I roll my eyes and begin to read some of the girls'; maybe theirs will be interesting and not totally bizarre.

**Wendy is dating Tweek**

**Wendy is really a man**

I groan and almost throw my laptop against the wall, what is it with these people saying that everyone is secretly a man or a woman? I decide that Bebe will be the last person I read about before doing something else.

**Bebe stuffs her bra**

**Bebe is secretly a bigger slut than Kenny**

**Bebe is training to be a nun**

Wait, what? If she's training to be a nun then how can she be a bigger slut than me? I finally convince myself to read Cartman's before writing a letter of complaint to the editors.

**Cartman is secretly skinny, he's just wearing a fat suit**

I stop reading at that, now I know that these people are on crack or something. I find the messaging button, and I start to write them a long, heartfelt message.

_Dear Sucky Creators of the Facts Thread,_

_Do you even go to this school? If you did you would know that Cartman really is fat, that Bebe is not a nun nor is she a slut; that Craig and Wendy are the genders they say they are. That Kyle is not in love with Butters, that Cartman and Stan aren't together, and that ninety precent of everything you posted is a lie! _

_Sincerely,_

_A Very Annoyed Reader._

I click the send button and lean back in my chair, anxious to see if they would reply.


	2. Drugs are bad, m'kay

The next day, I ran up to Stan and Kyle to tell them about what I had found on the school website.

"You actually go on that thing?" Stan asked with his eyebrow raised.

"I go on there to check my grades sometimes." Kyle said with a light shrug.

"Ha, you guys are fags; anyone who even starts to go to the school website is a total loser." Cartman cracked from behind us. Surprisingly, I didn't even notice him coming up.

"You have to see this, it's pretty weird." I said.

"See what?" Stan asked.

"The facts thing on the school website that I told you about!" I groaned.

When we reached the library, I logged onto a computer and went to the school website, when I arrived at the home page; I was surprised to see that the facts section was gone.

"It was right here." I said softly.

"Ha, I knew Kenny was lying, he probably doesn't even have a computer, I mean, he's so poor it surprises me that he knows how to even use one!" Cartman cracked.

I waited for Kyle to defend me and call Cartman a fat ass like he always did, but when he didn't; I turned around and saw that he had left. I sighed and put my face down in my arms, I didn't know why I was upset that the facts thing had been taken down, I guess I just wanted my friends to actually be interested in something I discovered for once in my life.

I sighed and got up to go to class. When I sat down at my desk during fifth hour, I got a text from Jimmy. Everyone had gotten tired of his constant stuttering so they just told him to text them instead.

_Have you noticed Kyle acting strange? – Jimmy._

_No cnt say tht I hav – Kenny. _

_He was totally spacing, he also kept cracking up in History class when Mr Banks tried to give us the lesson. – Jimmy. _

_Tht is strange I will tlk to him. – Kenny. _

I put my phone back in my pocket and looked over at Kyle who was trying to stick his pencil up his nose. I got my phone back out and texted him.

_Wat r u doin? – Kenny. _

_I'm hungry. – Kyle. _

_Lunch will b soon. – Kenny. _

_I'm fucking hungry now bitch! I'll slap you mother fucker! I will shit on your friends you fuck!" – Kyle. _

I felt my eyes widen in shock, I couldn't believe that Kyle was acting like this; I had never seen him behave this way.

Just then, a couple of cops came in with a dog.

"We are doing a random drug test." One of the men said. I was shocked when the dog ran right up to Kyle's bag and started sniffing it.

"What do we have here?" Cop number one asked picking up the bag.

"Oh nothing, just a sandwich I packed." Kyle said nervously.

"Nu uh you stupid Jew, you ate your sandwich." Cartman cut in.

"I had two, I've been getting really hungry because I'm uh pregnant, yea; I'm pregnant." Kyle said before he started cracking up laughing.

"T-that's news to m-me." Jimmy said.

"Boys can't get pregnant, seriously, you have an A in Biology; you should know this." The English teacher, Mrs Anne, said rolling her eyes.

"We found out why the boy didn't want us to look in his bag." Cop number one said.

"Yea, we found a bag of weed, a bag of cocaine, a bag of heroin, and holy cow crackers, there is just about every drug I have ever seen in these little sandwich baggies in here." Cop number two said.

As the cops were dragging Kyle out of the classroom, I started to think about the facts page, one of the facts had said that Kyle was on drugs. That couldn't be true though, Kyle was one of the most straight laced people I know; he wouldn't do drugs, would he? Of course not, he was framed, he had to be, maybe the editors of the facts page were pissed that I had called them out on their bullshit and they were trying to make me look like the stupid one by framing Kyle.

I knew what I had to do now, I had to go find out who was behind all of this so I could save Kyle's permanent record from being tarnished.

**A/N: Okay, first and foremost, I know nothing about drug use and stuff like that. Sure we learned about it in school, but I never really paid attention. **

**I would like to thank everyone who reviewed, also if you have any ideas feel free to message me.  
Yea so, thanks for reading. **


End file.
